Monday, 12 January 2009

A Weighty Problem

I have a secret way of keeping my negative thoughts about my weight at bay.

Disclaimer: I know am not (yet) overweight. But as I am part of the female race, I claim the right to feel bad about and uncomfortable with my body at any time of the day that I deem necessary.

So this secret - I have given myself a weight threshold (My maximum weight, if you will). If ever I feel fat or bloated or just plain blah I weigh myself. Then I think to myself - "well, I am still not over the weight threshold, so I must not look so bad." I am usually on my way to feeling better about myself after that.

It works! You should try it some time. I figure if I am not gaining weight, then I am doing ok. Admittedly, I have been on the weight threshold precipice for quite some time. BUT I have stayed there and I have been ok with that. *There is also something to say for sucking your gut in while you look at yourself in the mirror. Isn't it horrible, though, when after a couple of hours of leaving the house you inadvertently catch a glimpse of your relaxed reflection in a well place mirror or window. OUCH! I must have left that svelte, confidant woman back at the house.*

And then, unfortunately, Christmas happened. And five weeks of lethargy and bad eating happened. And Jack in the Box happened.

After all these weeks of bad things, I came home and immediately weighed myself. I was pleasantly surprised - it looked like my weight hadn't budged one bit. I gave myself a well deserved pat on the back.

Who was I kidding?!! I should have been giving myself a well deserved pat on my somewhat softer (wider) backside. I guess I was slightly delusional when I returned from my five weeks of gluttony and really believed that it was just the bloating that made my clothes pinch me.

So, now (2 weeks later) I am 2 kilograms! heavier than my weight threshold. AT this point you must be thinking, 2kg's? Is that all? Why is she dedicating an entire post to two measly kilograms. BUT you have to realise that this is 2 kilograms ABOVE uncomfortable me! I have been in a decided funk since I was affronted with those two horrible kilograms. I haven't even been able to bring myself to fold all those clean clothes that are calling out to me (what a shame).

The good news - this weight gain has motivated me to get myself down to my ideal weight and not just my weight threshold. My weight loss plans include some unattractive photos of me, a photo taken of me MANY years ago and the Wii Fit. Wish me luck.

The case of the hungry butt.

You can see it appearing now, the infamous Cluff Gut.

And there it is in all its glory - enjoy
I have just packed away all our photos, so you will have to make do with remembering/imagining how sexy I used to look. Trust me.


Misty said...

Whatevs, you still look like Katie Holmes to me.

But speaking of weight issues, I now weigh only 2 kilos less than I did when I was nine months pregnant with Piper. How did that I happen? It's like I didn't even lose the weight equivalent of my child.

DeNae said...

Well, Helen, what you need is more American fans. We don't do the metric system, so I for one have absolutely NO idea how much weight you've gained! In fact, I've decided to translate your weight gain to "Two Killer Gams", which in 1930's American slang would mean "A pair of AWESOME legs!"

You're welcome.

Hel said...

Thanks Misty! I love that you don't say I look like Christina Ricci! I am glad I don't know what I weighed when I was pregnant with Isabel - it may be too soul destroying for me!!

DeNae, I may have deliberately not "translated" my metric measurements. Only the really mean people would look up a conversion chart! :)
If add another 2kgs to the mix, will I have FOUR killer legs??!! I like your thinking!

DeNae said...

...just be careful, Helen. Keep adding those "Two Killer Gams" and eventually you'll end up like me, a veritable MILLIPEDE!

Although I've always felt that what was on the INSIDE was all that counted. Take me, for instance: I'm stuffed full of pizza and ice cream. And come tomorrow, when I get on the scale, sure enough, it will count.