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I am sure from your frantic blog stalking, that you have noticed my lack of posts this week. I think I will use the term DeNae used and call it "Blah February". I began tumbling into bad mummy oblivion after the poo smearing incident. Unbelievably I was on an emotional high after that incident. I felt as if I had conquered the world and not just a poo smearing toddler.
Inevitably I come down from my mummy highs and this week was no different. I plummeted to a state of mind that had me wishing I had another child. A child that was so horrific he/she would force me into acquiring some mothering skills (I know, I know - be careful what you wish for). As the situation stands now, LQ is pretty much perfect. I know this. Everyone knows this. And I know that I really can not claim any ownership on her perfectness.... she simply raises herself. For heavens sake, she taught herself to pray!!! All this perfectness makes me feel completely inadequate as a mother.
I don't like blogging when I am in the throes of self pity, because nobody likes a pity party and that's all my posts would have been this week. I self pity, therefore I don't blog.
Move forward to Saturday morning. I flew away from my perfect toddler to spend a night with my best friend and attend a wedding reception (of sorts). It was the first time I had flown without child in tow since before LQ was born. L.I.B.E.R.A.T.I.N.G! I had a fantastic time... chatting. You know the real girly type of chat that only girlfriends can engage you in. I called Dal once to have a chat, but mostly didn't think much about my little girl.
A delayed flight this morning meant that my dear ones had to wait an extra 1.5 hours before they saw me. And what a reception when they did see me. It was as if I had left them for days and days. And the best part about coming home?
LQ couldn't stop grinning and cuddling me the whole time! It helped me arrive at the realisation that even though LQ could quite easily raise herself, she still needs her mother there. She still needs the comfort of knowing that I am there to love her despite her poo smearing ways. If that means more appreciative hugs like the ones I got today, I am SO back into mothering!
Can you feel the LOVE?
As an aside: I took TWO camera's on my little trip and took a total of TWO photos. I forgot to take photos of LQ with me for all my friends who can't be bothered to visit us. Instead all I had were the photos left on my camera. Can you guess what those photos were! Instead of photos of LQ my friends were blessed with pictures of her poo.
8 comments:
Isn't it funny...those of us (me!) with difficult children have our own little pity parties, and yet it seems those of us with perfect children (you!) also feel bad.
Maybe guilt just comes with the territory of motherhood?
hoo boy... don't I know it. I wish there was some way of magically vanquishing the motherhood guilt. It's just yucky.
Actually it gets a little better the more kids you have, because then you see more clearly that it's not only what you do which shapes your children, but also largely their genetic makeup. My 3 kids are all different, and I don't think I changed my parenting styles radically between each child. Still spend too much time beating myself up though. Boo.
Welcome back. What a difference a day makes. I agree that sometimes it is not wise to post when you are not feeling good about yourself— you may not like what you say when you look back on it.
wait till they become teens and adults and then you will 'BE TOLD' what a mess you made of their lives :) mum
Kids don't raise themselves, Helen, but some are lower maintenance than others. You're doing great, poo pix and all!
And congratulations on stumbling across another secret to happy mothering: NOT mothering for a day or two!! I think of it as a great big "re-boot" to my famiy's system.
I have one difficult child and one easy child. I've got guilt comin' from BOTH directions. Oi!
Love that those were the pictures you had on your camera - brilliant!
There's nothing like a mommy break to make you fall in love with mothering again. And remember, kids learn by example. YOU taught LQ to pray one way or another.
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