Meet Emily Howard
She is the world's worst transvestite according to the show "Little Britain". She makes sure everyone knows she's a lady by announcing to anyone who will hear her "I'm a lady and I do lady's things."
I thought I would let her introduce this post because I am a lady and I am going to post about lady's things today. So if you are a man (or woman) and don't wish to know about my lady's problems let it be on your head if you read any further. You have been warned.
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Although Emily Howard likes to think she is a lady, I am sure she has never had to experience the excruciating pain that can accompany the monthly period.
From the second time I got my period I have had the "pleasure" of curled-up-on-the-floor-crying back pain that would get so bad I didn't know whether to crunch up in a ball or do back flips in an effort to abate it.
After missing a few school days and checking out of life for a while (not in a bad way), I have learned that there are only two things that help me crawl out of the pain induced fog.
- A semi-truck's worth of midol. I understand that I may be on the verge of overdosing each time I take the stuff, but good grief.... what's worse - a self induced coma or period pain? I leave you to be the judge.
- A good heat pack. Ideally two good heat packs. One for my back and one for my ginormously (that word's for you DeNae) bloated stomach. I have a wonderful wheat heat pack that I put in the microwave for two minutes and it stays hot long enough to ease the pain until I get back to sleep.
So what happens when I am woken at four in the morning by the stirrings of another fantastic pain episode only to find that I have maybe packed my wonderful heat pack away?
I make one
Here is the aftermath of my early morning Midol hazed sewing frenzy