and it wasn't the Son of God that was conceived.
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For a good week and a half I was pregnant.
At least my body led me to believe I was pregnant. And we had done everything in the correct sequence (stood on our heads by the light of the full moon before dancing up and down the street chanting our ancestors names)
I was excited. Dal told me not to get too excited. He wanted to wait it out and see what things were like after 12 weeks.
I subdued my excitement (a little).
And then I got my monthly (is it still monthly when it doesn't show up on time?) visit from the "You're Not Pregnant" Fairy.
My body sighed. And I said I was fine. But I cried in the shower because showers encourage thinking. And I wasn't ready to think.
I felt silly for being excited. As a matter of fact I felt downright dumb.
Then I thanked God for LQ. And I gave my extra love to her. Which she gave right back with a kiss and a giggle.
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In short, I have begun to realise that conception is a miracle whether you are a virgin or not.
11 comments:
Dang it! I can't begin to tell you the number of people I know that struggle to have a second baby after having a first easily. I can't understand it! I'm so sorry for your disappointment again. That's just not fair.
Just want you to know that I completely understand the flood of emotions-- the oh,crap we're pregnant, and oh sob, we're not. It's a heavy thing for fragile feelings and hormones. Keep eating those LQ kisses-- they're magic, you know.
Love those two women who have already commented! I had the same difficulties with child number 2. Tried, tried, tried -- finally got pregnant in March, which meant a December baby, and I whined about that. Then I "wasn't" pregnant any more, and wondered if I was being punished.
Meanwhile, two of my unmarried, TEEN AGED sisters got pregnant at the same time, and of course they went to term. I didn't get pregnant until 6 months later, but there is a whole long story about how that was perhaps the most life-altering blessing I've experienced before or since.
I'm sorry, Helen. And you're right: It really is amazing that this entire process works AT ALL, let alone as often as it does!
Chin up!
I've read your blog a couple of times before; tonight I linked here from MMB. I have had the exact same thought about conception before. Once you are educated even a little in the intricacies of conception you realize what a miracle it is that it ever happens and, even more, that most pregnancies result in healthy babies.
Sending love and prayers and good wishes from half way across the world!
Helen, we love you and are praying for you!
Now my comment may not be as constructive or loving as the others and I know I have never been where you are before but.... Don't you think it's funny how the people that don't want to fall pregnant always do without fail. And the people who are desperate for babies have to wait. So my thinking is do a bit of reverse psychology on the universe and trick it. Maybe chill out on thinking about your next beautiful baby and get something else to occupy your thoughts for a while. Harder said than done I know but just a thought. Whatever will be will be.... Am I a bad friend?
Hey Helen, its Kimberlee Krok here, who you probably don't remember but I'm going to post a comment anyway. This Christmas I had the same realization about the virgin mary but kind of in the opposite way to you. We fell pregnant with our second baby at the beginning of last year while using birth control and just 2 short months after recovering from what should have been a fatal horse riding accident. We have been calling him our immaculate conception. I am sorry for your loss, but it is so true that babies are pure miracles and God will decide when it is right for us. I just caught up on the last few months of your family and i really enjoy reading your blog! Except now I wish i could sew and create all the amazing things you blog about. ps. LQ is such a DOLL!
I have theories and opinions on the whole "infertility epidemic" but that's not the point. The point is that you're right, conception is a miracle, every time, even when it's an accident. Maybe especially when it's an accident. I'm sorry for your loss.
Hey- just wanted to stop by and say Thanks for de-lurking! Your daughter is precious.....hang in there :)
oh Hel
if i had any brains at all i would have read this properly and sent some love
you are a beautiful intelligent lady and i hope you are ok.
Im here anytime you may need a shoulder to cry on
thinking of you bootiful mumma
hugs n love n smiles
bron
xx
*big hugs* love ya hel.
p.s. I didn't know you weren't a virgin! :-o!
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